I have a confession to make. I tell myself that I don't blog as much as I used to because social networking sites and general busyness gets in the way. In actuality, I don't blog as much because I have grown numb to life in all of its greatness and shittiness. I simply don't have the same passion as I did three years ago and I'm not nearly as self-aware as I used to be.

I'm completely uninspired without a best friend or a boyfriend to lean on and hide behind. Filling out those ridiculous surveys that people often post in Myspace bulletins makes me more and more aware that I'm alone. Living here certainly doesn't help any. When I first moved to Seaside, I hadn't spoken to anyone other than my roommate and my family back home for roughly 2 weeks.

There was a time when my sense of self was independent of my relationships with people. I used to hold my own just fine. Honestly, I haven't really felt comfortable by myself since Arjang left three years ago. I know he's not the one I was meant to end up with, but he asked me out at a time when I was happy being single, very secure with who I am, and not afraid to shine and be great. I really had no interest in forming an intimate relationship back then. I can't believe how hard I fell after the fact, and how much it fuckin' hurt to learn that the feeling wasn't mutual. I'm still pretty bitter about the fact that he got into another relationship literally weeks after telling me that he was scared of committment. I'm not nearly as irritated with him as I am with myself for becoming one of those girls who can't stand on her own two feet without a man.

I'm putting out this half-baked blog to remind myself, "I was there."